NLP Persuasion & Influence: Being Yourself Is Not Enough
Author
Damon Cart
Date
Nov 21, 2018
Content
Author
This Friday look out for a free webinar I just completed called '3 Things Wrong With NLP Trainings & How To Overcome Them'.
Since it's free consider it a Black Friday Deal!
What I'm about to share with you is a simple yet profound understanding about how to master persuasion and influence.
Your communication, verbal or nonverbal is always shaping people's perception of you.
Don't overlook this. I know it's simple, so simple it could pass right by you and you could miss the depth of this.
Digest it and meditate on it. I still am.
You've been told to just be yourself and everything will be fine. You've probably even told yourself this.
When it comes to giving a presentation, finding a date, or making that sale, we want to believe people when they tell us that if I'm just myself it's just going to work.
Well it's just not if that's what you're relying on.
No woman is going to come beating down your door while you're playing video games just being "yourself" so she can date you.
I hear men say this all the time. "Well I'm just going to be myself and if women don't appreciate that it's their loss," while he sits there not saying a word as women pass him by.
You can sit at your desk all day being "yourself" but that's not going to get clients walking in your door demanding that you sell them what you have to offer.
What does being yourself really mean? I don't think people even know what it means yet they hand out this advice like free samples at Costco.
Let's get clear about it. Being yourself means you know your values and you're connected to them. Your behavior and the words you speak are aligned with those values. In other words, you're congruent.
And this is very important for being mentally healthy and also to create trusting and lasting relationships.
However, if you're not communicating this to people or if you're not getting out and meeting people so you can communicate with them, it doesn't matter how congruent you are. No one will know it.
It's like starting a business in your basement and never advertising it. No one will know it exists. You don't have a business. It's the tree that falls in the forest when no one is around to hear it.
Greater than all of the persuasion and influencing techniques out there is really going deep with this understanding that your communication shapes people's perception of you.
Learning and practicing NLP techniques will help you shape people's perception of you and it will help you to be aware of verbal and nonverbal feedback people are giving you. These are indications of how they are perceiving you.
But if you're all technique and you're not clear on your intent, objective, and the perception you want people to have of you, the techniques aren't going to help much.
Sometimes you will disagree with the way people perceive you. You might even think they're wrong about you.
However, a better way to approach this is to own it. Own your communication. Understand that somehow you communicated in such a way that helped them create the perception they have of you.
It's also purely subjective. Your perception of yourself is not right and neither is anyone else's. There is no objective judge who can determine who has the right perception of you including you. You don't see what others see about you and others don't get about you what you get about yourself.
Be intentional about your communication. Don't strive for accuracy or perfection when you're consciously shaping your perception of yourself in the minds' of others.
Instead, know your objective. Are you trying to get a sale, a date, or negotiate a deal? If so, shape people's perception of you through your verbal and nonverbal communication to serve your objective. Don't leave it up to chance.
But that's manipulation you might say.
It's going to happen anyway. People are going to create a perception of you regardless if you intentionally influence it or not so you should influence their perception of you as much as you can.
Shape their perception of you so that it fits what they need, without compromising your own values.
Reread that last statement and go deep with it.
When you can do this, you will become a persuasion and influencing master and you will also be yourself at the same time.
Damon Cart
NLP Coach and Trainer
Santa Cruz, CA
Damon Cart
Author
Damon Cart is considered to be a natural talent by some of the best NLP trainers in the world. His approach to guiding and teaching students brings to their awareness that they've been doing NLP all of their lives without realizing it and he empowers them with skills and resources to thrive and reach their full potential. With the understanding of how Neuro Linguistic Programs create oneβs experience a person can then take charge of those programs and create the experience and the life they want. By taking this approach into his own rigorous, daily NLP practice Damon has been able to rapidly accelerate his progress in learning, coaching clients and teaching workshops.
