Defeated! Learn From Not Winning So You Never Lose - NLP Mindset
Nov 11, 2018
In one week I will be making a big announcement about what I've been working on. It's something I've never put out to the public before and I'm really excited to share it.
One of my consultants told me not to say anything yet about it, but I can't help it. So expect an announcement one week from today. You're going to love it.
Last Sunday I competed in a Brazilian JiuJitsu tournament. I've only been practicing BJJ for 6 months and I'm still a white belt but I thought I was pretty good.
Many of the upper belts in my class told me that I would do well in competition. I've even submitted blue belts. And yet...
I lost. Yep. I lost my first fight and was immediately eliminated.
I didn't get submitted but my opponent won unanimously on points and he deserved it.
With a bruised ego and the sting of defeat still smarting I immediately started reevaluating what to do next with BJJ.
Do I want to continue? Should I quit? Should I keep going? Should I compete again?
Failure will shake you up and wake you up.
Of course, I don't want to quit. I really enjoy BJJ. Competing in a tournament is a new experience to add to the overall experience.
Unfortunately, though most people allow one defeat to shape their entire experience of an endeavor no matter how many positive experiences they've had before in the same endeavor.
What do defeat and failure really mean?
It means you did something. You got out there and tried. You challenged yourself. You put yourself to the test. You challenged your beliefs and ideas about yourself. You teased out your potential.
These are all wonderful things and you should be happy you have the courage to put yourself out there even if you're defeated because most people don't.
Most people are just treading water.
Most people have created a mediocre balance in their life where they're insulated from the sting of failure and defeat because they don't try. They don't put themselves out there. They risk nothing and they get nothing in return except avoidance of discomfort.
If you want to advance yourself and take your life to the next level you have to unbalance the comfortable bubble you've created for yourself in order to rebalance at higher level.
This can be scary and it's definitely uncomfortable, but when you think about it, what do you really have to lose?
As the poet and rockstar Jim Morrison once said, "No one here gets out alive."
So what if you suffer a loss or a failure. In 100 years no one will know it, not even you so just go for it.
If we're not failing and suffering defeat sometimes, we're not trying hard enough. If you're afraid to leave behind shallow comforts you're never going to truly know what you're capable of.
There's a presupposition in NLP that goes "There's no such thing as failure, only feedback."
When I set aside my bruised ego, my loss last week is just information, feedback. It's a reminder that there's always someone who is better than you at something. It's an indication of what I need to improve on.
It's also a lesson in acceptance and truth.
There's nothing final about failure or even success. Both are temporary. Had I won, the jubilation would already be wearing off.
The true fulfillment is knowing that I went for it and that I'm going to go for it again.
There's only one way to never fail and that is to never try, which means you'll never succeed either.
I'm willing to take my chances at succeeding and risk occasionally failing and I hope you are too.
NLP Coach and Trainer
Santa Cruz, California
Damon Cart is considered to be a natural talent by some of the best NLP trainers in the world. His approach to guiding and teaching students brings to their awareness that they've been doing NLP all of their lives without realizing it and he empowers them with skills and resources to thrive and reach their full potential. With the understanding of how Neuro Linguistic Programs create one’s experience a person can then take charge of those programs and create the experience and the life they want. By taking this approach into his own rigorous, daily NLP practice Damon has been able to rapidly accelerate his progress in learning, coaching clients and teaching workshops.