Instantaneously Transform Disappointment Into
Author
Damon Cart
Date
Apr 28, 2018
Tags
General tips
Content
Author
You've experienced disappointment. We all have.
What can you do about it?
Would you believe me if I told you by the end of reading this that you will know exactly how to transform disappointment into fulfillment instantaneously?
Keep reading and I'll show you.
First we have to understand what disappointment is and how it occurs.
Disappointment is what happens when your expectations aren't met. It's no more complicated than that.
If you expect to get a raise and you don't, disappointment follows. If you expect she will say yes when you ask her out and she says no, immediate disappointment.
If you don't expect a raise and you don't get one, you're not disappointed. Same if you don't expect her to say yes and she says no.
What about when you receive a raise and you weren't expecting it or she says yes when you weren't expecting it? What happens then? What happens when your expectations are exceeded in other words?
The pleasant surprise feels great, does it not?
So the solution is don't expect much and you won't be disappointed as much, right?
No that's really not a solution. That's just another expectation that will also lead to disappointment. Unfortunately many of us do this though and we begin to fear our desires and we fear trying to fulfill those desires because we want to avoid disappointment.
How do we escape this bind?
First understand that having expectations is normal. You're never not going to have expectations. If something happens enough times we begin to expect it to continue happening like the sun rising each day.
What were your expectations when you were younger compared to now?
We tend to be idealistic when we're young because our expectations of life and the world are not based on experience therefore our expectations are not realistic.
By the time we get to our mid 30s and 40s we find that many of our expectations have not been met, which leads to disappointment and sometimes we relinquish our ideals, feel jaded, burned out, and afraid to try new things for fear of failing.
They call this the "U". Studies show that people tend to be happy early in life and then start to dip around the age of 25, hitting bottom between 35 and 45, and resurfacing in our mid to late 50s.
You might be thinking that by the time we get to 50 we've adjusted our expectations to reflect our experiences therefore our expectations are more realistic. There is likely some truth to that but I don't think that's the whole story.
I recently coached a woman in her early 30s who is in the snare of this U. She told me that she was very happy in her 20s but now she didn't understand why, despite having a loving and supportive family, that she now feels unhappy.
I asked her more about this unhappiness and she told me it was because she had so many hopes and dreams early in life but now she was so far away from accomplishing any of them.
"What was something you wanted to accomplish?" I asked her.
She told me she wanted to end poverty in India, which is obviously not a very realistic expectation for one person to accomplish. Something like that would take the cooperation of many people not to mention so many factors outside of any one person's control.
She actually felt bad about not being able to accomplish this and she had many more unfulfilled expectations that she felt bad about.
"What is your intention for ending poverty in India?" I asked her.
"To help people," she said.
"Such a high expectation will likely be disappointing," I explained to her. "However, you can fulfill your intent right after this session. You can walk right out your front door and help someone. Would that fulfill you?"
"Yes," she replied.
I did not try to discourage her from ending poverty in India. I admire anyone who takes action toward such lofty aspirations, but as an expectation, about 99% of people will run out of fuel. And the 1% who keeps going will still be plagued by disappointment.
Intention is another word for value. Every decision you make is fueled by an intent to fulfill one or more than one of your values. Motivation is the drive to fulfill your intentions.
When you withhold fulfillment of your values until you achieve an expectation, you are crippling your ability to achieve it. It's like trying to drive across the country on an empty gas tank.
When you do something, though, that fulfills you as you work toward what you want, the journey becomes the reward and the goal just becomes a sign post on the path of your journey.
Know that when you experience disappointment that it's because you have an unfulfilled expectation. This is a signal to then switch to the intent behind the expectation so you can then fulfill that intent.
Fulfilling an intent is immediate because they tend to have few if any conditions. Your values are inside of you and available to you all the time.
Not only is it much easier to fulfill an intent instead of an expectation, it's more fulfilling than achieving an expectation or a goal. When you expect to achieve something, it's not very fulfilling because you expected it.
Also, living for your expectations is far more rigid than following your intent. An expectation is only one way you imagine something happening whereas an intent can be fulfilled in many different ways. If one strategy doesn't fulfill your intent, it's easy to drop it try another one, but when you expect a strategy to work you tend to be loyal to it even though it's not fulfilling your expectation.
When you fulfill an intent, you're self-esteem goes up as well as your confidence and your actions and your life as a whole tends to feel more purposeful and meaningful.
Of course it does, because you're doing and being what you value rather than what you expect.
I created NLP Gym to help others learn NLP quickly and as effectively as possible, which is to treat it the same way you would if you were building strength in a gym.
My mission is to make NLP accessible to as many people as possible especially those who desire to learn it. My vision is of a world where NLP is as commonly practiced as yoga or martial arts because our bodies are not the only parts of us that need exercise and nourishing.
Stick around. It's going to keep getting better!
Damon Cart
Author
Damon Cart is considered to be a natural talent by some of the best NLP trainers in the world. His approach to guiding and teaching students brings to their awareness that they've been doing NLP all of their lives without realizing it and he empowers them with skills and resources to thrive and reach their full potential. With the understanding of how Neuro Linguistic Programs create oneβs experience a person can then take charge of those programs and create the experience and the life they want. By taking this approach into his own rigorous, daily NLP practice Damon has been able to rapidly accelerate his progress in learning, coaching clients and teaching workshops.
