Overcome Codependency - NLP Techniques
Author
Damon Cart
Date
Oct 06, 2018
Content
Author
Google defines codependency as a dysfunctional relationship where one person relies on the other for all of their self-esteem and emotional needs.
You probably know people like this or you might even be that person.
I did a video recently about narcissism where I touched on this subject. Most, but certainly not all, people who are codependent in a relationship are codependent on a narcissist or at least someone who has narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissists seek relationships where the other person is dependent on them. They promise to fulfill the codependent's needs and they usually demonstrate this early on and then withdraw it.
This throws the codependent into a downward spiral. Suddenly it seems like their only hope is for them to get back in the good graces of the narcissist, which positions the narcissist to control the codependent and make them seem like he or she is the only person who can meet their needs.
This is the extreme. Codependency can occur between two people who are not this dysfunctional, which makes it more subtle and harder to detect, but still hurts the codependent.
Codependency is a limited mindset rooted in scarcity, which creates many problems from not actualizing potential to fear and suffering.
There's a NLP technique called Perceptual Positions (also known as Triple Description).
Basically it's something we naturally do but are mostly unconscious of.
When you think about a memory, from what perspective do you experience it? Are you fully associated in the memory as if you're back in time when the event occurred, which is called 1st position.
Or are you viewing it like a movie and seeing yourself in the memory, which is called 2nd position or Observer Position?
Sometimes we actually view memories in what is called 2nd or Other Position, where you're actually perceiving from another person's perspective who was there when the event occurred.
We not only take these different perspectives with memories. We do this in real time as well.
In fact, you can do it right now.
As you're reading this you're probably coming from 1st Position. Take a moment to imagine watching yourself read this, as if you're a "fly on the wall". See what that is like, Observer Position.
Next, imagine you're me telling you about Perceptual Positions and look back at yourself receiving this information, 2nd Position. Don't just come from my position. Actually imagine that you're me, based on everything you know about me, looking back at this other person (you).
What's that like?
Go back to yourself.
What happens for Codependents is they get stuck in 2nd (Other) Position with someone they're involved with.
Other position is what creates sympathy and empathy. It's an important position, but you don't want to get stuck there. People who get stuck there are the people who do for everyone else but always leave themselves out.
No position is bad. They're all useful, but it's important to have choice about them and it's important not to get stuck in any one of them. This may take some practice.
You want to live from 1st Position and decide to go to the other positions when you want to gather information or understand someone else's perspective.
You can use 2nd Position to connect with others quickly. You can use Observer position to get unstuck from a problem or to relieve suffering and gain wisdom.
If you think you might be codependent, think about the person you may be codependent with. Are you coming from your perspective (1st Position) or are you seeing yourself from the other person's perspective (2nd Position).
If you find yourself going to their position without even trying, and especially if you get stuck there, it's likely you're codependent.
Practice floating out of their body and back into your own. This may be difficult at first especially if they're in your presence now.
You may need to practice it on your own, when you're away from them because often codependents are triggered by the person they're codependent on and they feel like they can't help but go 2nd Position with them.
Perceptual Positions have many uses including building rapport, thinking "outside of the box", solving problems, healing conflicts with others, etc.
Make it part of your practice and consciously decide when to switch positions instead of being at the mercy of your programming and practice being Self-Dependent rather than Codependent.
If you're severely codependent seek help from a qualified coach or therapist.
Damon Cart
NLP Coach and Trainer
Damon Cart
Author
Damon Cart is considered to be a natural talent by some of the best NLP trainers in the world. His approach to guiding and teaching students brings to their awareness that they've been doing NLP all of their lives without realizing it and he empowers them with skills and resources to thrive and reach their full potential. With the understanding of how Neuro Linguistic Programs create oneβs experience a person can then take charge of those programs and create the experience and the life they want. By taking this approach into his own rigorous, daily NLP practice Damon has been able to rapidly accelerate his progress in learning, coaching clients and teaching workshops.
