Why Persuasion and Influence?
Author
Damon Cart
Date
Oct 14, 2015
Tags
General tips
Content
Author
by Damon Cart
The idea that we can become more persuasive and more influential through practice attracts many people to NLP. It also turns others off and some NLP institutes hardly bother with teaching it anymore. Perhaps the reason it's not being taught in many NLP institutes has more to do with few people really mastering it and doing it with strong ethical principals. In other words, it's much easier to leave persuasion out of a NLP curriculum than it is to teach it.
Google defines persuasion as "the action or fact of persuading someone or of being persuaded to believe or do something". According to the Encyclopedia of Systemic NLP and NLP New Coding, "persuasion is the attempt to use language (and non-verbal communication) to influence the thoughts and actions of others."
Like it or not we're (effectively or ineffectively) persuading and influencing all the time whether we're talking to ourselves while deciding if having dessert is a good idea or when signaling to another driver in traffic to allow you into their lane. We start doing it at about the age of two, which is when we're first able to realize that certain vocal sounds we make creates a response and can even initiate actions in others.
To say that persuasion and influence is an unworthy pursuit is to deny one of the core aspects that makes us intelligent beings. Study after study has shown that the most successful people in the world (success defined by people who accomplish what they want and live socially, emotionally, physically, and financially) all have one particular trait in common; the ability to communicate effectively.
Persuasion is a foundational skill of great communication making persuasion and effective communication skills inseparable. If you're not succeeding at something, anything, you would like to be more successful at, observe your communication skills in this context, whether it's how you communicate with yourself or others, and you will likely find the problem and the solution.
Persuasion is not just about selling. Good diplomacy includes good persuasion. It's not unthinkable that wars have been averted by diplomats who mastered the art of persuasion. Benjamin Franklin was well known for being very persuasive and was even sent to France to convince France to help out with the revolution taking place in the colonies. His efforts paid off and he accomplished his mission.
One of the greatest communicators to ever enter the White House was Bill Clinton. Regardless of your political affiliation, most people agree he was a master politician and a master of persuasion and influence. Regardless if you're in favor of the decisions he made, most agree, his administration was extremely effective in executing those decisions.
The biggest misconception I come across about the art of influence is that using persuasion skills is deceptive or unethical. It can be if the intent is unethical or deceptive, but the most influential people don't need to be deceptive or unethical. They're good at persuasion because they believe what they say. Sincerity and authenticity are extremely persuasive characteristics of a great persuader and most people cannot fake sincerity and authenticity well enough to convince others to do what they want. Usually the opposite is true. The more a person fakes it, the less believable they tend to be to others. And if someone uses empty promises and deception to persuade and they're able to get away with it for a time, it will catch up to them eventually. Either external consequences like jail, fines, loss of supportive relationships will happen or the person will lose track of what's real and the unconscious will find a way to reconcile the inequity between his or her conscious and the truth. The result is usually crippling dysfunctions and psychological problems. No matter how good someone is at lying, there is always a part of the mind, usually an unconscious part, that knows the truth and that part will find a way to make itself known.
I like to use the analogy of martial arts when people question the morality of learning and practicing persuasion. A person can learn a martial art and get manifold benefits from it. Depending on the art, it can help you focus better, build confidence, loose weight and live healthier, etc. and it can also come in handy if you're ever in a situation where you have to defend yourself or a loved one from a physical attack. However, there will always be those people who want to learn a martial art to hurt and intimidate others. Does this mean martial arts shouldn't be taught because some abuse it? Absolutely not. These people are the minority and those who create a better quality of life for themselves by practicing martial arts shouldn't have to suffer because a few are irresponsible.
Finally, it's important to learn persuasion so that you can make informed decisions without falling prey to persuasion tactics by those who would deceive you or even from well intended people who might convince you to do something that's right for them but not necessarily right for you. In order to not get played, it's important to know the game and knowing the game doesn't mean you have to play other people.
To be clear about what you want as well as congruent, sincere and authentic is half the battle when it comes to being more persuasive. The other half is how well you communicate those values and qualities to others in order to get what you want. Learning and cultivating persuasion skills will give you that edge.
If what you want is important, why leave it up to chance? Effective communication skills like persuasion and influence will not only help you get what you want, it will help you understand human nature better and connect with others. It will also help you understand yourself on a deeper level and we could probably all use more of that.
Dr. Sid Jacobson will be teaching Persuasion and Influence at NLP Gym June 6th and 7th 2015. You can sign up by clicking on 'Workshops' at the top.
Damon Cart
Author
Damon Cart is considered to be a natural talent by some of the best NLP trainers in the world. His approach to guiding and teaching students brings to their awareness that they've been doing NLP all of their lives without realizing it and he empowers them with skills and resources to thrive and reach their full potential. With the understanding of how Neuro Linguistic Programs create oneβs experience a person can then take charge of those programs and create the experience and the life they want. By taking this approach into his own rigorous, daily NLP practice Damon has been able to rapidly accelerate his progress in learning, coaching clients and teaching workshops.
